Day 364/365: alright

Holy shit! I have one more day before this blog culminates. Wow. I did it. I actually did it. I mean I knew I would. Whatever I’ve committed to I do. It’s just weird to see the number that close to the end. And although in the past I was terrible at starting because I always felt the need to be a pro and hit the ground running, I can start things. Even when I’m afraid. And that’s been empowering. And great practice for learning how to show up in my life.

What a crazy journey it’s been. I feel like a whole different human being than when I first started out. I’m not sure that was even the goal, but I like that it happened. What’s interesting is I have not gone back over any of my posts. I’m not even sure I will. And I’m not even sure it’s necessary—or particularly helpful. Part of the catharsis of doing this and part of the healing was to drop some of this stuff off here and not go back to retrieve it—or try and unpack it. I mean what purpose would that serve? It’s like picking at old wounds. Or at least it seems like it would feel that way anyway.

So how do I feel today? Honestly, alright. Not that everything is perfect, but I feel like all is as it’s meant to be. And I feel like I can embark on the next leg of this journey with a lot more confidence and a lot less second-guessing than the last leg. I am looking forward to less struggle and choosing how I’d like to be in each moment. I’m glad I learned the value of being aware enough to choose. I use to say, “Make good choices.” But there are no good or bad, right or wrong choices. They’re just choices—and each one comes with end results attached. It’s our perception of those results that sets the tone for our next steps and our lives. It’s really about choosing wisely. And then not judging what happens after you make that choice.

I have not liked all the choices I’ve made, but I can’t say that I have any real regrets because each choice led me down a path and on to another and another, and there was plenty of learning in between that helped me evolve and grow. Hmmm … maybe it is all good after all. Whatever that even means.




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