Day 363/365: nervous excitement

My stomach has been bothering me for the past two days. It feels like butterflies. Like when you’re about to go on stage before a big performance. I recognized today that what I’m feeling is nervous excitement.

An incredible opportunity landed in my lap on Monday. Well, actually on Friday, and when I got the full details of the project, I was wowed. And then I was a bit overwhelmed with the magnitude of the project. It’s a golden opportunity, and I know I can do it, but a bit of self-doubt is trying to edge and creep its way in. Are you sure you can do this? Why were you picked for this project? And the mind, the ego just wants to run rackets on rackets on rackets on me.

But at the same time, my Soul feels like it’s on fire, and it feels ignited and excited about working on this project and what the finished project will look like. And I have to be careful here too because expectation can be a feeling killer. This project comes at exactly the right time too because if I had landed this a few years ago, I’m not so sure I would have been able to do it, but I know this is meant for me because no one can do it like I can. And with that, I feel the excitement exceed the nervousness.

And if the client ends up not being happy with the result, that’s okay too. It’s not a reflection of my skillset. It just means they wanted something different. And that’s that.

I used to struggle with the concept of “letting go of the outcome,” but know I understand it’s more about the expectations you have around something. You can have goals and dreams, but you have to be very careful about the expectations you put on them. Because when you expect one thing, the Universe may deliver something entirely different—and it may be exactly what you need, but not what you expected (i.e., wanted).

So I am remaining open to the possibility of how this project will unfold and culminate and in essence what it may—or may not—lead to. I’m just going to surrender, dive in and see what magic I can create. The deadline for it is Thursday, and so I will let Spirit guide my steps and I’ll go with the flow. Wheee! It’s going to be a nerve-wracking and magical ride. Let’s go!


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