I felt genuinely bad about myself today. I got up later than I wanted to so I felt like I had wasted the day. And it was hair wash day, which is such a time suck. But I intentionally planned to just leisurely do my hair today and very little else as I was planning out my week. And I’m not backed up on work projects so what’s the big deal?
The mind. That’s the big deal. I am—we are—so ruled by the mind, which plays tricks on us to keep us so-called safe, but it ends up being a real estate hog and leaves us numb and feeling fenced in. And it made me feel bad about self-care. We all need self-care. And we need it regularly. But I felt bad based on what society expects of me and even what I expect of me.
My biz partner says that expectations are a feelings killer—and she’s so freakin’ right. Even though I had set up the day to just do what I needed to do, somewhere in my brain I felt obligated to do things in a specific way. I had in my mind that I needed to be doing work allll day long and toiling because, well, that’s what’s expected of us. That’s what we do during a Wednesday.
Instead, it would benefit me more to be grateful that I have flexibility in my schedule to be able to work in a bit of self-care. And it would also benefit me more to realize that I don’t have to fit into what is expected of me anymore. That’s history. I’m trying to make herstory.
So as I sit here and type, I no longer feel bad about what I did or did not do today. I am feeling great about making a divinely feminine decision about carving out my own path and way of doing things. My way may not align with everyone else’s expectations, and perhaps it doesn’t even align with my own preconceived expectations, but I am allowed to do it anyway I so desire. Simply because I occupy space on this crazy planet, and quite frankly, because I can.
Divinely feminine indeed.
Photo credit: Wild Woman Sisterhood (original quote from Marianne Williamson)