Day 348-349/365: distrustful

I have a deck of Oracle cards called The Enchanted Map by Colette Baron-Reid. I haven’t used them that much in the past, but I recently pulled them out to start using them regularly. I need some guidance. Over the past couple of days I’ve been trying to figure out how to step into my role. But the “figuring” is a thinking approach and that’s not in alignment with what my Soul wants. I’m going to have to feel my way through this and so I looked to the cards to help me get out of my mind and connect more with my gut/intuition.

Before shuffling the deck I asked my guides to tell me what my Soul needed to know/understand today. And I shuffle until a card jumps out. The card that jumped out today was No. 4: Spirit of Place in the upright position. It gives a description that was interesting. But the last line that describes the card was the most powerful. It read: Your greatest power is your authenticity.

It was exactly what my Soul knows and what I needed to hear. Just show up as yourself. The trick is: how. I have always been stymied by the how. I am a process person. So if I know the how, then I can execute. But in this case, apparently, the Universe knows the how and I’m just supposed to start. Maybe the largest part, if I’m really honest, is that I don’t trust that the Universe has my back. Frankly, I feel distrustful.

Okay, not totally distrustful, but somewhat distrustful. And where I’m usually all or nothing and it’s better to be somewhere in the middle, in this case, I’m in the middle and I need to be all in on the trusting side. It starts with action steps, and I know a couple of steps I need to take, but honestly, the thought of doing these things absolutely terrifies me.

And yet, I know if I don’t do them, I will stay stuck here in this cocoon, this liminal space forever. And I’ve already been here too long so I may as well jump. Maybe that move will let the Universe know that I’m ready and willing to show up for its how. And also let the Universe know that I ready to trust in its power.

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