Day 347/365: liminal

I’m feeling a mix of powerful emotions right now. So it has me feeling like I’m in this huge liminal space. I was given some information today that both excited me and terrified me. I was essentially told that it was time to step into my gifts. And to do that I have to 1. Accept that I am meant to be in a certain role. 2. Use my voice.

I have been waiting to step into my purpose for a loooong time. And I’ve said before that I feel like I’m in a preparatory phase. Like I’m in a cocoon. But you cannot stay in a cocoon forever. At some point, you have to emerge as the beautiful butterfly. You cannot stay in that liminal space permanently. The world is waiting for you.

It feels like I’ve been preparing for the moment that I’m on the verge of all my life and at the same time, it still feels like I’m not ready. I have it all made up in my mind what things are supposed to look like and I feel that that actually may be keeping me trapped—inside an idea that doesn’t serve me. It keeps me playing small and feeling limited. But we are all built to be limit-less. Expansive. Free. And stepping out into the world with our gifts to serve in our own unique, special way.

So why would I be any different?

I am meant to create in a very unique way. In fact, we all are. And I feel like I’ve been presented with this gift that feels so much bigger than me. It’s not about me at all, in fact. It’s about helping others get to where we all need to be. I am a Master Teacher. It’s taking everything I have not to delete those words. It feels egotistical, but that’s my mind telling me that can’t be possible. But there’s my heart and gut/soul letting me know that it just feels right.

My mother was a Master Teacher in Baltimore City Public Schools. She was a gifted teacher. She still is. And she was asked to be an administrator, but she knew that that was not where she was meant to be. It wasn’t that she couldn’t do the job. She absolutely could. And she knew she could. She just knew where she could best use her talents. And so she did.

I am reminded of that when I resist this idea that I am here to teach. I’ve been resisting that idea since as long as I can remember. But maybe it’s because I was not meant to teach in traditional types of arenas like school classrooms. But there is an arena I feel I am perfectly suited to teach in. And so I will.

I am accepting that this is my role and my purpose. It scares me, but I know if I don’t move in that direction, the discomfort I will feel will far outweigh this ego-filled fear I have going on right now.

I am also reminded that when your life calls, you better answer.

n

 

 

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