Day 336/365: Roped in

Harumph! During last week’s coaching call, my biz partner mentioned that she’d like to do something different with the next call. Since ordinarily our call would fall on Valentine’s Day, she offered having a call this Sunday instead. Not a problem.

Then she also mentioned that it might be nice to have our partners come on and join us. I felt kind of blindsided to be honest. I’ve told her in the past that if she and her partner wanted to do relationship stuff that was fine with me, but I had no interest in it. And that it was perfectly fine to do it under our umbrella. But to do this to me, in front of our group, I felt was out of integrity and manipulative.

The story I could tell myself is that it was a power move to try and manipulate me because she feels that I’m weak. And that would totally justify my going off on her to try and defend myself. Because how dare she think of me as weak?

Well, honestly, how dare me to care what she thinks of me? And though in that moment, it would have been inappropriate to let her know that she had blindsided me, I certainly could have let her know after. Without being passive aggressive or defensive I could have shared that I felt blindsided and that if she was going to spring something like this on me, to at least give me a personal head’s up in the chat where she could send a message to only me.

I didn’t blow her up in front of the group, and I didn’t talk to her about it afterward, but I do feel like I need to mention it to her before Sunday arrives because I feel roped into this situation. And I don’t like feeling that way. But I am glad that I am at least a bit more aware of how I am feeling and how I am responding vs. just reacting.

Owning your story is about leaning in. So if I’m going to teach this work, I have to do the work as well. Which means even though I may feel uncomfortable talking about this with her, I have to lean in to get through it and get comfortable with using my voice, which is an integral part of reclaiming my self-worth.

This is tough work, but so necessary. Growth is hard, but rewarding.

n

 

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