Day 329/365: Super Blue (moon)

This moon has me all up in my feelings. I’m living somewhere in the liminal space between being on the cusp of having it all and having it all with a healthy dose of fear around having it all in the middle.

There’s some issues of deservedness I have to get beyond. Tonight in our coaching call we talked about how you manifest at the level of your self-worth. I know this intrinsically, in theory anyway. But when it comes to practice, as I look around, uh, my self-worth is in dire need of an overhaul. Like seriously.

Sitting on the call tonight, and each time I get on the call, I feel like I’m on the outside looking in. Like how is everyone else just manifesting all this amazing shit and here I am creeping along at a snail’s pace? Like wtf! It’s agonizing. And while there is no comparison, as I am not in a race with anyone else, to bear witness to others just diving in is just painful, to be honest.

I still feel like I’m on the edge of the diving board and though I know how to swim, or at least enough not to drown, I can’t seem to jump. I need to know where the switch is to make it all turn on and just work. And yet I know that I am the switch, or I need to make the switch. Or both.

And until I do, I will sit here, in this fucking liminal space and just wait. Aaaarrgghh.


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