Day 328/365: Liberated

I’m feeling inclined to call my bestie who I haven’t spoken to in about a year. Today, I recognized, I mean really recognized that my introvert, go-it-alone style can be hurtful to many people that I love.

I was taught to be very independent at a young age, and it’s entirely possible that I lived some sort of monastic life in a past life so I’m probably here to learn how to become interdependent. And I’ve gotten this message before, but with this supermoon brewing, things are coming round again that need to be vanquished—for good.

It was pride that had me feeling like I couldn’t call my bestie, but now, I don’t care about that anymore. It was also worry over what she might say to me. But I owe her an apology. And I cannot control her response—nor would I want to. I just want her in my life again. Period.

Her absence is becoming increasingly more painful, and there’s no longer a need for this ridiculous break.

Interestingly enough, my elbows, which have never bothered me in my life, started bothering me last night. The elbows, metaphysically speaking, represent our duty, sense of obligation and how much of that we’re willing to carry around. When the energy gets congested in this area and it starts to bubble to the surface of the body as pain, then we need to pay attention. It is essentially telling me that I need to share the load. That I’m taking on too much obligation when it isn’t necessary. I love it when the body lets you know what’s really going on.

Here’s another interesting idea that occurred to me. So many people struggle with co-dependence that I didn’t really think interdependence was an issue. But now I know it definitely is a thing—and I think I need to do some major work on this area. But I’m willing to put forth the effort. My wife even agreed to start certain interactions with, “Let’s do this together,” as a way of reminding me that this is a partnership, and we can share the load.

That too may also be the struggle with my business partner. She’s hard-wired much the same way, and when we clash, it’s in part because we’re mirroring the same behavior and it’s annoying the shit out of us. So it’s time to really dig my heels in and learn to partner, really partner, in a number of ways.

It will not be comfortable, until it is, but the more I practice, the better at it I intend to become. I am finally ready to accept that I need to share the load. What a relief!


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