There is this YouTuber who I adore, and when I discovered her last year, I was obsessed. I would watch every YouTube video as soon as it came out. I followed her on Instagram and liked every post. I began to watch her IG stories and would drop whatever I was doing to catch her live on YouNow, and then followed her on Twitter. I was fascinated. And quite frankly, it left me feeling very much off kilter.
She’s young and so incredibly free. And my obsession with her was probably a feeble attempt to catch a glimpse of how someone could actually be that free. She is unapologetic, an activist in her very own unique, individual way and she uses her voice and her storytelling ability to connect. She’s awesome. And here I was, out here, in desperate search of my awesomeness.
But when I finally began to reconnect with myself and value my own authenticity, I felt the need less and less to be consumed by what she was sharing on all her social media. It’s like I somehow began to understand what she intrinsically knows. That being free is not something everyone does the same way. For her, it’s being androgynous within a society that wants to constantly put you into one box. For me, it’s no longer worrying about what a person thinks before I act or speak. It’s being unafraid to use my voice and to recognize that my voice has a place alongside everyone else’s and what I have to say is valid and beautiful. It’s discovering my own unique brand of awesomeness.
I am grateful for the lessons she taught me—and continues to teach me, and though I still keep up with her on social media, the need is not at great as it once was to know what she’s doing every minute and glimpse her awesomeness. I feel like it’s because I’m becoming more balanced and better aligned with who I’m meant to be. So I no longer have to search for how someone does it; I can do it my own way, and be my own model for the behavior.
And that honestly feels wonderful.