Day 263/365: Reluctant

I feel reluctant to post today. Probably because I can’t quite get my feelings together. So I’ve decided to write about a song that I’ve had on repeat on Spotify.

It’s by SZA, and it’s called Supermodel. In it she sings about how if her lover could see her as beautiful then she could also see it in herself. She’s essentially singing about all the ways we as women work from the outside in.

I’ve done this a lot in my younger years, I realize now, but I don’t actually feel like this anymore. I’ve always felt alright being by myself, but we all seek validation from someone else other than ourselves at some point.

And I’ve known several women throughout my lifetime who put their value on themselves in relationships based on how others valued them. It’s a chronic (false) narrative that I’ve seen and heard play out in women’s lives who are near and dear to me—and that I’ve probably done a few times myself.

And maybe that’s why I love this song Supermodel by SZA so much. I see myself in it and others too. She’s so honest and vulnerable in it. Even in some of the sadness, there’s still quite a bit of power behind it all.

Take a listen.

Do you see yourself too?

Maybe I’m feeling reluctant because I know this person all too well, but I don’t feel good about admitting it.

n

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