Day 242/365: Aware

My wife yesterday did some major reorganizing of our living space, and the space feels much more expansive and open, and in turn, so do I.

Getting to that point was not easy for me. She presented some new ideas and, as usual, the first thing out of my mouth was, “No.” Despite my protests, she continued on with her idea anyway, which turned out to be genius. It saved a ton of space and allowed us to make space for something we needed—a mini mud room, so to speak so we could hang coats and take off shoes by the door.

After she did all the rearranging, she came out to tell me how my first response to ideas she proposes is to say, No. And she was soo right. But when I thought about it more today, I realized it’s not the idea I’m saying no to, it’s change. I cannot deal with change. I’m fine once the change has occurred. Then I’m adaptable and can take the momentum and run with it. But the start of change, is always so hard for me.

I don’t know what it is. I know I’m not good at beginning, but the change itself is so hard for me. That has to be the reason everything feels like it’s moving so slowly for me. Because I take so long to begin. I have to be dragged … kicking and screaming. I need to get at the root of why this is such a challenge for me. I’m not sure where it comes from, but I need to find out so I can move past it.

Actually, maybe I just need to start something new and then as I go, tap into how it’s making me feel to start and work my way through it that way. It also has to be something that makes me uncomfortable to start, otherwise there’s no real reward.

Who goes looking for struggle? Right now, this girl. Let’s see what I can come up with. Wish me luck.

n

 

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