I had a massive migraine today. Woke up with it. And I had a crap ton of things to do. So I rested the greater part of the day, washed my hair in hopes that a scalp massage would help and then we had our Monday evening workshop call.
The first two weeks I really felt out of place on these calls as a co-facilitator. I did my best the first two weeks, but I really felt like a fish out of water. And then I participated in our assignments about your story and how to separate fact from fiction within your story. Well, a key aspect of my story has to do with rejection—in all forms. And how I react (vs. respond) when I feel rejected/unaccepted/inadequate. It was so important for me to recognize this behavior and what triggers it (so many things) and how to respond (vs. react) when I do get triggered.
Well, up until tonight, I felt inadequate as a co-facilitator. I was essentially rejecting myself and my abilities. But I decided that I had all the information I needed to be there as a co-facilitator. And so I also decided that I would just listen, really listen to what each participant was saying and then let my heart speak to me and respond from the place. If my heart was not telling me anything, then I remained silent. But I was able to support these women in a way that I had not previously been able to before because I recognized my behavior patterns and just moved forward from a place of worth vs. inadequacy.
I love the container that we’ve created with this course. It’s been life-changing not only for the participants but for me as a co-facilitator. I know every week won’t feel like this, but this week felt really good. And I felt like I was serving and doing some good. It made me feel confident—and worthy.