Day 212/365: Open?

Tonight I caught up on episodes of Issa Rae’s Insecure on HBO. I’m watched Season 2 episodes 4 and 5. In the two episodes Molly’s character gets hit on by her high school friend who’s married, but it turns out, he’s in an open relationship. Molly struggles with the concept until she gets blindsided when she learns at her parents’ vow renewal celebration that her father cheated on her mom. Then things change for Molly.

Each episode is followed up by a Wine Down with Issa Rae where an actor from the show or show runner discusses the episode over drinks. After episode 5 Rae talks with the actor who plays Dro, (short for Alejandro) who’s interested in Molly and is in the open relationship. IRL he also has experienced an open relationship and explains how it works.

And I wondered if I could be in one. I feel like it can definitely work if both parties are on board and have the same expectations and level of trust and honesty with one another. But it absolutely will not work if only one party is fully onboard. I remember once having a conversation about monogamy with a married friend. And she was saying that monogamy, in her mind, is entirely unnatural. Like it goes against nature. Animals aren’t monogamous. They simply mate often times and move on. So why would we mimic this, was her thinking. So I asked her why she married and she said the concept was fine for her because she doesn’t feel like she’s being restricted or confined in any way, but she did feel like it was normal for people to be non-monogamous and people were naive to think monogamy was the norm.

So I had these thoughts swirling around in my head and tried to be as open-minded as possible. And I felt like I could probably do this kind of relationship, at least in theory anyway. But I don’t know that my wife could do it. Relationships are sacred to her and are to conducted one-to-one, one at a time. I don’t feel like she would judge people in open relationships, it just wouldn’t be for her. As for me, since I’m not possessive, jealous or clingy and I like my partner to be happy then I could probably sustain it. There would have to be some ground rules though like no intimate details. Hmmm … I say this now, but to be in that situation would be different I’m sure. If I’m really honest with myself, I think I might get tripped up by feeling inadequate and not enough for my partner, but if I was able to enter into an open relationship then those wouldn’t be feelings I’d have anyway I guess.

It doesn’t matter anyway. I enjoy my monogamous relationship. It feels healthy and it works for us. And although I don’t have any problem with open relationships if the couples can make them work, I’m not so sure after all that it would be for me—even if it is more natural. I’ll just continue to fly my freak flag then.

n

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