Day 197/365: Impatient

I am currently in a living situation that is perfectly fine—for now. But I recognize that I am feeling a bit restless and impatient and I would like to move. The question is to where? The only thing I know for sure is that where I move next I’d like to be in a Bluhome living beside a body of water. I have been waiting for years for this home. And I have also been waiting to determine where this home will be. I am committed to making this dream a reality, but I just feel like things are not moving fast enough.

My wife today asked me is I thought this year would be our year. Do you know how many times we’ve asked each other that very same question over the past 22+ years we’ve been together? And all the times before I answered, “Yes!” and believed it. And when she asked again, I answered the same way, but this time, I don’t know if I believed it, to be honest. I’m so tired of wishing and hoping that this year will be our year, the year where we make breakthroughs and our dreams (at least some of them) are realized. And I recognize that these things don’t all happen at once, but it would be nice if something happened at all.

Don’t get me wrong. I have a crap ton to be grateful for, and I am in no way ignorant of that fact. I am unaffected by a hurricane or earthquake. I have health, healthcare, money coming in, new prospects on the horizon for business, but I still feel like things are not moving nearly as fast as I’d hope they’d be.

And yes, of course, I know everything is a process. But if you knew the merry-go-round I’ve been on and how I have worked to get off this damn thing, you might have a better sense of my mounting frustration.

I also am reminded of something that I told to someone else the other day, which is, this may be a holding place. A place where you are preparing for the next stage of your life.

So I just re-read some of this post and I sound like I’m whining. Because I am. And I did not come here to whine. So allow me to flip the script instead. I will end with feeling grateful for what I do have and not spend so much time being in a hurry to get to where I have yet to be. If I can spend time in the present, pretty soon I’ll be in my future state soon enough.


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