Day 191/365: Distracted

I feel like I often seem to wish to be somewhere else. And I don’t mean that in a wanderlust sort of way, although I do have those moments too. It’s like I don’t want to be in my life. Like so many aspects of others’ lives are far more interesting than mine, and if I could stitch together the aspects of their lives that I want for my own, then I would be content with my life. But that’s ridiculous. Because then that wouldn’t be your life. It’s a tapestry of others’ lives. And that’s merely a distraction from dealing with your own life.

Instead of finding fault with my life, I need to change the areas of it that leave me feeling like I want to escape into someone else’s. It’s not even that I’m comparing my life to theirs. Or am I? Maybe I am if I’m wishing a component of their life was mine. That sounds so covetous and dark.

I believe my lens is cloudy and focused on the wrong place. I’m seeking validation from an external place, and you cannot do that. Well, you can do this, but it won’t help you in any great way. I’m constantly avoiding myself and that has to stop. Maybe if I accept all that I am, then I can see the beauty in my life and not wonder what it would be like to live like someone else. Ahhh, there’s so much work to do. And it begins with me learning to celebrate my own life and recognize that it’s cool like everyone else’s.

n

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