Day 190/365: Defensive

Your skin often reflects what’s going on inside your body. And if that’s the case, apparently internal me is a war zone. Your skin is also your protective covering, both physically and metaphorically. It’s your line of defense between you and the world at large. I have struggled with skin issues since as long as I can remember.

As I child I had seborrheic dermatitis, which is a form of eczema. I also have keratosis pilaris or KP, a skin condition that produces chicken-like skin on the back of the body. Aaand my seborrheic dermatitis has been replaced by eczema in my adult years.

My KP is getting better in spots, thanks to an alkaline product I’ve been drinking. But the eczema is flaring up with a vengeance lately and is chronic. The itchiness is unbearable. And you have to scratch. Symbolically, eczema represents the idea that you’re itching for a fight. The KP is almost like a suit of armor, sort of like a defense mechanism.

Having had KP for the majority of my life makes me realize that I must feel the need to suit up to face the world. When you start to have this as a child, it means your world was violated early on and you’ve felt the need for protection ever since. But I don’t need protection, or at least I don’t think I do. Because I know the Universe is friendly, even if sometimes, the players in it are not so much. So why can’t I get rid of the armor?

The body is an amazing machine. Your cells have memory. So whatever happens to you and your response to it, your cells hold on to it. And when similar experiences occur in our lives, these cells get triggered and help send the same response to your body as the first time you experienced the incident that created the memory in the first place.

Here’s what makes that tricky: We’re not taught how to erase this cell memory. But if we take some time to identify the stories that are holding us hostage, their power over us becomes diminished. And it’s almost like the cell memory gets erased. I’ve begun to do some deep dives into what my story is so I’m hoping that will help me get rid of this (tired) story once and for all.

As for the eczema, I’m sure diet also plays a role so I’ve been working on changing that up. But I also feel like maybe there’s some suppressed anger lurking beneath my skin that’s bubbling to the surface. I’m not sure I can identify the source of this just yet, but again, I’m sure working through my story will help.

In the meantime, I plan to research holistic dermatologists because it’s time to take active steps to work this out once and for all. I am finally ready to begin loving the skin I’m in.



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