Day 188/365: Blocked

I’ve been invited to write a guest blog post about authenticity for a new female-centric brand. And I began writing the post a week or so ago. But then I hit a wall. I felt blocked. So when that happens I step away from what I’m writing and revisit it a bit later. I did that and I still feel blocked. And, I need to get it done and delivered by tomorrow, and all kinds of dread are welling up inside me.

It’s been ages since I’ve been this blocked. I mean I sit down when on assignment and the thoughts and ideas just flow. It’s feels magical almost. And easy. But this. This feels like torture, agony.

Maybe it’s the thought that I’m not showing up as my authentic self just yet. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m doing sooo much better than I have been and that I’ve done in the past, but I still have a ways to go. I know we’re all in the process of becoming so you never really arrive. But I feel like I could be so much more authentic than I am right now.

Am I being too hard on myself? Am I being overly critical? Honestly, I just don’t want to come off as a fraud, as one of those people who talk the talk but doesn’t walk the walk. Being your authentic self is about honesty. So I want to be genuine, and it started off really good, so I’m not exactly sure why I abruptly stopped. There’s something that’s blocking me or stopping me. And I feel like I need to assess what that is and figure it out and then I can proceed. But I’m stuck.

And I don’t have time to be stuck. I’m usually fairly good at performing under pressure so I kind of feel like this is the time when I would normally shine. But I have no clue what’s happening, and I’m dreading opening that file and getting to the next section with that damn blinking cursor and no text after it.

It’s starting to feel like stage fright only I’m not on a stage, unless the stage is the blog itself. Hmmm … well, I am out of time. So off I go to unearth this magical authenticity.

Maybe if I just start writing I will stumble on my true self after all.


Update: Turns out I had written even more than I had originally thought and I had plenty to say. I have to say I was very proud of the end result. And proud of myself for showing up.

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