Day 180-181/365: Hurt

I had to double-up on posts unfortunately because yesterday I was felled by a terrible sinus headache that grew into a migraine. I was out of commission. So here I am today catching up.

Yesterday, before my sinus headache took me out, I went to go see the movie Girls Trip. I had mixed expectations, but I figured I wouldn’t leave the theater without at least one good belly laugh. And I was right. And I left with so much more. The storyline is pretty simple, but the chemistry between the characters is really heart-warming. Please go see this movie. Warning: It’s rated R and for good reason, so you may want to get a babysitter for the kiddos.

The reaction I did not expect to have was tears. Spoiler alert somewhat: There’s a scene between the four friends where a disagreement occurs, and it made me realize just how much I missed my best friend. She and I still have not spoken, and some days I can convince myself that I’m okay, but when I saw that scene, it struck such a chord with me. I kind of felt my heart breaking a little because these were the types of shenanigans we should be having, or that we could be having if we were talking.

I don’t know that I realized the gravity of her not being in my life until I saw on the screen what true friendship looks like. There is an absence in my life that I didn’t anticipate. And I’m still not sure how to repair it.

You know what? That’s not totally true. I know that I could offer an olive branch, but I’m still not ready to do it, even though I’m hurting. It made me wonder if she saw the movie and had a similar reaction. I wondered so much I desperately wanted to call her and ask. And then I thought better of it. I’m still not ready to go there. But it still doesn’t make me miss her any less. At some point, the discomfort of not having her in my life will have to outweigh the stubbornness of not calling. I feel like on principle, she needs to be the one calling me, but she’s a Leo, with A LOT of pride so it’s probably going to have to be me who relents. And when it comes to friendship, who gives a sh*t about principle anyway, right? Besides, I know this is my ego talking and at some point, I just have to get over it—and myself.


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