Day 141/365: Crabby

I woke up feeling crabby and irritable today. It stems from feeling like I have no place. I realize that there is so much intersectionality in my life and so many boxes I can check off that I feel like I have no real place where I belong.

And then I get this nagging, like in the back of my brain, telling me: “You don’t need to belong. Create your own space.” But what does that mean? And how do I go about “creating” my own space? I feel like it needs to be groundbreaking in some big, monumental way and then at the same time that thought just feels crushing and weighty and like too big of an onus or responsibility.

I’m so tired of labels and trying to fit in (yes, even at my age) and worrying about not fitting in and wondering if I even need to really worry about this. It probably has to do with Dorito 45 declaring via Twitter that trans people have no place in the military. What legitimate leader of the free word does this?

Exactly. None. I feel exhausted by the constant barrage of ridiculous that is emanating from this ridiculous excuse for an Administration.

Whatever happened to kindness and just letting everyone live their own damn lives, even if you don’t understand it? Even if it’s not yours. Why can’t we just live and let live? Is it really that hard?

And yes, I know. I know. Dorito 45 is our ugly mirror that our nation so desperately needs to hold up to ourselves so we recognize just how small and narrow-minded we can be. And to help us realize we can and must do better. Because we are better.

I know that we will have learned much about what not to do from this administration. But in the here and now, it is really hard to keep that in perspective.

Maybe I just need to turn off social media and tune into another channel that feeds my spirit instead of ones that consistently diminish it.

I heave a heavy sigh for humanity. Please tell me it gets better.

n

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