Day 140/365: (missing) #BGM

I was catching up on Season 2, episode 2 of Queen Sugar. Nova Bordelon knew her sister, Charley, needed her so she came over and they had well, a sisterly moment.

I grew up with a brother, who I adored, still do, and always wanted another sibling. A younger brother, which I kind of got with my younger stepbrother.

And I never wanted a sister—until tonight, watching Queen Sugar. My wife has three sisters, one of which is her twin, and watching them through the years has made me ambivalent about sisters. They are there for each other—and me—in wonderful ways. But there can also be a lot of drama too. But I still didn’t get the allure until tonight.

And I can’t put my finger on why. Maybe it’s because I’m missing my best friend and that connection we share, which is as close to sisterhood as I’ll get. Or maybe it was that these two black women, although very different, were really there for each other when they needed it most. It could also have been that these two had lost a parent and found a bond in that. Hell, maybe it’s all of that.

But I thought, “Hmm …maybe it would be nice to have a sister.” Actually, now that I write this, I feel like it has more to do with missing my mom. My mom was like my sister. She was my confidante, my cheerleader and my main support system. I really miss having that kind of support from someone who is not my partner. I feel like I’m missing a sounding board, which is much more valuable than I realized. And one that’s black if I’m being honest.

At this point in time in our world, I need the support of a black woman who can understand what it feels like to be living as a black woman in this world right now.

I guess I’m in search of and am in need of some additional black girl magic aka #BGM.

I’m going to work on cultivating some relationships that foster this connection.

I feel like my survival in this day and age depends on it.





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