Day 138/365: Torn

Today is my best friend’s birthday and I feel torn. And torn up. I saw the date come up on my phone yesterday and my stomach sank. We haven’t talked in forever. And our last conversation, via text no less, was not good at all.

I would love to extend her birthday wishes, but I feel like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. And no, she did not reach out to me on my birthday this year, but she never does until like a day or two later. But I know this about her. I also know that if you don’t acknowledge hers, it’s not a big deal because she’s so bad at acknowledging others.

So you’d think this would let me off the hook, but somehow, I still don’t feel good about not reaching out. Yet, I don’t feel good about reaching out either.

What to do, what to do …

I know there’s hope since I reconciled with my brother, but I’m still not sure the timing is right. If I felt like I could acknowledge it without worrying about the response, backlash or otherwise, I would be inclined to do it. But I don’t feel like I’m there just yet. The wounds still feel somewhat fresh.

So this will have to do:

Happy Birthday, Phil!
I hope you have an amazing year ahead and that you wish big. I miss you!
Much love,
n

 

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