On the Myers-Briggs scale I am decidedly an INFJ—the most introverted of introverts. In the last 5 days, I went outside twice, and only briefly both times. And I don’t feel cagey at all. In fact, I’m loving spending some time alone. I feel so much more powerful when I’m not amongst others. But I still envision myself as playing the role of a powerful person during all these inner dialogues I have with interesting people.
I am envious of the people who just get out there in the world and just do it. How do they do it? I always feel like I’m lacking because I am not an extrovert who can just go out into the world and be fabulous. There are so many public things I’d like to do, but the thought just fills me with anxiety. I’m sure the solution is to just do public things so you get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. But I feel like I won’t be well-received somehow or not be enough somehow. It can feel overwhelming—and damning—sometimes.
And here’s the really strange part. I like people—like a lot. I find them fascinating. But to be amongst them can be really draining for me. How do you reconcile those two things? How do you just get over yourself?
When I find out, I’ll let you know. But until then, I’ll just climb back into my shell.