Day 133/365: Lonely

I am almost never lonely. In fact, I enjoy solitude. And being alone is different than being lonely. I relish time alone and sometimes feel like I can never get enough of it. That said, I am also in a long-term relationship. And I am absolutely happy in it. And when I’m with her, I love every minute that we’re together.

So she was invited to take a trip with her sister’s family to Colorado. In fact, we both were invited, but I had too many commitments and I just couldn’t make it work. So, reluctantly, she went without me. We rarely travel apart. And though I have flown many times without her, she had never flown without me. So she was doubly nervous since she does not like to spend time apart and she was traveling on her own.

Well, she arrived safely, thankfully and managed the whole flight/airport thingy just fine. Meanwhile, I realized today, after spending two full days apart that I feel a bit lonely. She was loving enough to prepare meals for me because she knows I get in work mode and won’t stop to eat if she’s not here. But I’ve been really good about taking breaks to prepare something for myself to eat. But when I sat down tonight to eat, I recognized that eating a meal by myself felt … lonely. I had prepared it, or rather she had, and I sat down with no one to share it with or even to talk to about it.

It got me thinking about what my life would be like without her in it. And I recognized that this was what it would be like. Lonely. I would have to do literally everything by myself, and have no one to share my days and nights with—and how physically and emotionally tiring that would be. It also made me recognize what it’s probably like for my single friends. That can be hard to have to do  everything by yourself—all the time. I feel like we are built for companionship. And even though I relish moments alone, it’s really nice to be able to share your life with someone.

Until she returns I have plenty of ways to fill my time, but I genuinely look forward to the day when she returns. At least this feeling of loneliness is finite.

n

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