Day 120/365: Scattered

I have so many irons in the fire and I don’t know if I’m coming or going. The worst part is many of these irons are new—and I don’t do well with beginning things. I like to be an expert out of the gate, but that’s simply not realistic. I am learning that I need a role or to be able to identify as something.

Honestly, I didn’t believe I was into labels. But I must work better with a bit of restriction. No, not restriction as much as structure. Yes, I like structure. It gives me a lane to be in and get good at. It helps me feel like I’m headed in the right direction—or at least some direction. I know I’m headed somewhere, but I feel like the path is not a straight one. It has all these twists and turns that I’m simply not comfortable with. And it’s wrought with uncertainty. And I really like certainty. But nothing in the world, and I mean absolutely nothing is certain. And I have to be okay with that. But it’s a struggle. And the struggle is real.

What’s even more interesting is that I like adventure. And adventure is full of uncertainty and winding roads, but for some reason, I don’t mind it in that context. Maybe I need to look at my life as more of an adventure than a destination where I’m always striving and working to get somewhere.

It’s time to put away the maps and planned out itinerary but still keep my compass in hand. I still can use direction, but how I get there is not as important as long as I can get to where I’d like to go and keep going from there. AmIright?

n

 

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