Day 109/365: Carefree

So today I just made up my mind to not worry about much of anything. I kept telling myself: I am talented, I am amazing, I am beautiful, I am smart, etc, etc., etc. And I gave myself permission to just be whoever I was in the moment. And not give a cuss about how I was dressed, how my hair looked, how my skin looked, or what anyone thought about me or any aspect of me. I just was hellbent on feeling okay with whatever was.

We all need to do this more often. Like every day.

YouTuber Ari Fitz often says “being queer, black, female and carefree is activism.” I love this for so many reasons, but especially because even the statement itself is an act of activism. But not activism how we think of it. And I love that so many dearly held beliefs are being turned on their heads.

Today I was talking to my niece who’s a tomboy and she says she gets guff from some classmates who ask her why she always wears “boys clothes.” I told her to tell them the next time that statement comes her way, just say: “Clothes don’t have gender. Tell your friends.” She laughed, but I told her, let ’em know that you are free to wear anything your heart desires—just like they are, and I reminded her to pay no mind to what they think of how she dresses—or what category they feel the need to put her and her clothes in. Now, this is easier said than done for a third-grader, and I recognize this. However, even if she doesn’t say it back at any point, I still wanted it to lodge in her subconscious somewhere so she knew that it was true for herself—because at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

It was freeing to be able to say that and to be able to feel free, even if it only happens today. I was grateful for the opportunity to feel it at any point, and I hope my niece remembers it too. I’m starting to understand that feeling carefree is a practice that needs to be cultivated, much the same way gratitude does. And I am more than happy to cultivate feelings of carefree-ness so that it essentially becomes ingrained and a natural part of my everyday existence.

Onward—without a care!

n

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