Day 95/365: Infinite

There’s an odd thing happening in my life right now. I’m kind of reassessing where I fit in. Not like the high school or middle school kind of fitting in, where you’re trying to figure out what group you belong to. It’s more like trying to determine how you’d like to show up outside of any boxes, groups or categories.

I’d like to feel limitless, infinite. As if I’m so unique and wonderful, and dare I say it, extraordinary that I defy a box, a group or a category. I’d like to feel indescribable. Then there is no need to compare me to another because there is no other like me. And in reality, and theory, there is no other like me. I am one of a kind, part of an amazing whole. But I’m not so sure I can see it yet. Or maybe I can’t yet vocalize it or … feel it yet. I can’t feel it yet.

I know what it is to be Other. To be a Black, to be a woman, to be a woman-loving woman, but those are just labels. I’m not so sure they define me as much as describe me. And I’m not so sure I understand or know their worth any longer. Why are they necessary? Do they help people see me any better? I don’t feel like that’s it. No, they’re just societal and cultural constructs. That we cling to dearly and severely. I feel like it’s time to shake off the labels and just be. Whatever that means for me. And I’m still discovering what that is. But I look forward to the day when these little boxes and categories are no longer necessary. Because they’re so confining and restrictive. And I just yearn to be free.

n

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