Today, and over the past several months I’ve been feeling isolated. I’m working on a huge project that is very different from what I’ve done in the past and it feels good, but my circle (outside of my partner) would not understand or know how to be supportive in the way that I need them to so talking about it with them is off the table.
The people I would ordinarily discuss it with are not available either. My mother would love this work, but she is no longer physically here. I talk with her all the time, but there’s nothing like having that same talk with her in person. This truly makes my heart ache and makes me feel the loneliest.
Another person I would normally talk to about this is my best friend. But she is going through her own stuff and we are not talking because she is in a place where I can’t reach her. She’s available, meaning I can phone her, text her or hop on a plane and visit her, but she’s in an emotional space where I am not welcome—and that’s okay because sometimes we all need this. So I am just holding space for her until she has space for us to connect again.
This feeling of isolation got me thinking. Maybe it’s not as much isolation as it is incubation. That time where you’re under the heat lamp getting primed for shit to happen and preparing yourself. Maybe it’s not always possible to take on big, new ventures with a group that is steeped in an old way of doing things. Maybe you need to be alone with your thoughts and new way of seeing things so that when you do re-emerge, you are stronger and able to walk your new path with confidence and a sense of power.
So I will continue to incubate—and grow so I am prepared for this next new level and possibly connect with others who are more like-minded and ready to receive what I have to offer.