Day 51/365: Reinvention

I am feeling strongly the pull of reinvention in my life. I desperately want to throw out my old, outdated ideas, to walk a different path, to feel differently as I navigate my life. And I’ve begun doing some of this work. Hell, I’ve even begun to change my wardrobe because I no longer feel like the person who wore the things I’m getting rid of.

As far as the new wardrobe is concerned, I’m not sure if it’s who I’ll be next year, but it’s certainly not who I was yesterday. And it feels good to embrace the new.

It also makes me a little nervous because when you grab onto the new, you have to inevitably leave something behind. Which leads to so much pondering and a mountain of questions. I mean it makes me wonder if I’m leaving behind core pieces of me. Is there some constant thread that’s been me all along? Does that piece never leave? Or does it just sort of evolve? And  then you simply lose the pieces that don’t serve you?

I’m also wondering if I feel different to those around me. Do they notice any sort of evolution? Some things you yourself definitely notice, but other more subtle things others may pick up on. I wish there was some sort of yard stick that would help you gauge your evolutionary progress over time. Eh, it probably doesn’t need to be measured really though. It just needs to happen.

I’m curious how I will be after doing this for 365 days. Every seven years your hair and hormones change so imagine how you evolve in the span of just one year. I feel like my interior landscape will be markedly different, and I wonder how that will change my exterior landscape. I know the proper order is to work from the inside out. And doing the inner work will change your world view. But I wonder how the world’s view of you will change.

Not that it matters. What anyone thinks of you is none of your business. The only thing that truly matters is what you think of you. And for me, the only thing that can matter is how I feel about me. And I’m already starting to feel differently.

n

 

 

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