Day 25/365: Visibility

Today I was thinking a lot about visibility. Yesterday, I had an interesting experience where I was spending the afternoon with a friend and we stopped into one of my favorite shops. I wasn’t shopping for anything in particular, but as I was looking around I remembered that I needed to replace a pair of silver hoops that I had lost.

I began perusing the cases for the earrings and found the perfect replacement pair at the perfect price. I asked the gentleman behind the cash wrap if he could open the case so I could try the earrings on. He came over, opened the case and I took a closer look at the earrings.

As he was walking to the other side of the case, he suggested I try on another pair of silver hoops. The ones he suggested were enormous—at least in comparison to what I chose originally. It was like 3 inches wide vs. 6 inches wide. Big difference.

I told him I didn’t think I could pull them off because I have such a small head, but he encouraged me to try something different, so I did. I tried them on, and they just didn’t feel like me. And I said as much.

Do you know what the salesperson said? “You’re just not ready to show the real you and be seen, but those are very much you.” I laughed it off, but I was floored. How could someone see me so clearly who doesn’t even know me? I knew that to be true, but how did he see that? Is it that evident that I’m working on showing up as the big version of myself?  Is that why I wasn’t quite ready to wear the big hoops? I’m not ready yet? Sooo many questions.

This thought hit me like a ton of bricks. I don’t feel like I’m hiding, but I don’t feel like the real me is here just yet. But it’s coming. And I have to be patient. And I feel like I’ll know when I’m ready and the time is right for the real me to emerge.

So for now I will be content with my smaller hoops, and the smaller version of me, however, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m playing small. And that lets me know, there’s always room to grow. Who knows? Maybe within the next year I will upgrade to those bigger hoops, and the bigger version of me.

Until then, I’ll be content to just be me.

n

 

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