I honestly think (a large part of my problem) it’s strange that I don’t know how to feel or how I’m feeling most of the time.
It feels like I’m disconnected. But that even sounds like thoughts about what I may be feeling vs. what I’m really feeling. Does that make sense?
People think it’s easy to know how you’re feeling. And I guess it is, for those who do. But I don’t. Or I can’t readily identify what I’m feeling. What is that?! How is that even a thing? I mean it doesn’t even sound conceivable.
And it’s so incredibly frustrating. Because if you can’t articulate how you’re feeling, it makes it incredibly hard to communicate.
But here’s the interesting part. I’m incredibly compassionate. Like it’s my superpower. And it’s so automatic for me, to give to other people.
Yet I just realized I don’t give myself much compassion. I have it to give away in spades to others but nothing left to give to myself. Or maybe I offer up to others what I most need myself.
So part of this project will definitely be about learning how to give myself compassion. And I kind of feel that when I do learn this, then it can only put my current compassion on steroid cloud level.
Seems like I have no place to go but up.